Peace Out 2009

"The broken clock is a comfort.

It helps me sleep tonight.

Maybe it can stop tomorrow,

from stealing all my time. "

- Lifehouse "Broken"

Disclaimer: As you've recently read, I am a big celebrator of life. I love to laugh, smile, sing in the car, be with the people I love and soak up every aspect of life. With that said- F Off 2009! GOOD RIDDANCE! This blog is not to whine and cry about a horrible year but is to inspire a better year to come.

You know- 2009 started off as the best year EVER! I found myself on a cruise ship outside of St. Thomas as the magical ball dropped in NYC, kissing 2008 away and kissing 2009 hello. Honestly, the best New Years I've ever experienced. Two thousand and nine was going to be great- I had visions of private practice, homeowner-ship, offers to research therapy products, moving trucks, travel, a growing relationship, family coming to visit, and every awesome second that I got to spend with those I care for! I couldn't wait!

Then I got my ass dumped the weekend before Valentine's Day. No one wants the girl next door- they say they do but most want some spontaneous sparkly bombshell of a girl who they can barely hold onto. Which is fine- we all deserve to get what we want. Even though I lack spark and blinding sparkle- I make up for that in personality and overall fucking amazing. As you read on you'll find some recanted statements from a few men... HA!

Anyway- pack up and move on. As I've said before- Accept.Adapt.Overcome. And for the most part I did. Started dating again, made some great new friends, and really got a chance to explore Charleston now that I wasn't away every weekend. My family came to visit and I'm pretty sure they couldn't understand why I love this city so much but I feel the same way about Massachusetts so we're even.

As you know, about 2.5-3 months of dating Mr. Awesome he decides its completely normal to run off and elope with a girl he's known 2 weeks. Again- she's a model and total party girl. See- BLINDING sparkly and a roller coaster. EVERYONE wants a roller coaster ride. Not me. Good Luck. And still I sit here and wonder... Canoe vs. Kayak?

So my contract was up at work and I had already declined to move to Greenville, SC to work for some heavy hitters so I took the offer to work at my same location for the following year. I figured that I'd be ready for anything given my previous year of legal issues and exploding cases. Ha. I was wrong. I applied for my national certification, my C's (aka the Golden Ticket), then applied for my state license. Apparently my "interpretation" of the date I started at wasn't the same "interpretation" that the state had in mind. I was given a "choice" of fraud or illegally seeing clients. Both of which are against my code of ethics and that I'd be stripped of both my state license and national certification, translation: I'd never be able to work again in the United States again if after my hearing they took my certifications etc. So what did I do? Called my last boyfriends Law Firm... and hung up. Then I called again... and hung up again. Got together with some friends that have grown to be more like family, Austin and Katie, and poured out my situation to them. Katie had the same "rip the roof" off mentality I had. Austin on the other hand told me to stop being such a northerner and sweet talk them and write as many apology letters as possible before calling The Law Firm and actually speaking to someone. I was also advised to stop calling and hanging up on people because "it's rude." So I took the "Austin Road" and wanted to throw up with humiliation the whole way. But- he was right, it was all "a big misunderstanding." Which it was, after all, a misinterpretation of dates. Lesson Learned: If you can lose your license/certification over a date then imagine what else you can lose it over. I document EVERYTHING. Even how many stickers I give out...

Work roller coaster ended and I was happy to get off that sucker. It was time to get ready for Melissa's wedding extravaganza! Lots of events were coming up in the next few months so I had to buckle down. Woke up one morning ready to tackle the world and felt a lump on my breast. The "this can't be happening" moment was lost with my stubbornness to carry on as if nothing was wrong. Others lives were growing out of control with happiness and mine was drowning in negative events. Scheduled my lump removal for the first week of November so that I could concentrate on all of the wedding excitement.

Like I've said... September is my worst month! Grr.

Woke up the morning of Melissa's wedding, for lack of a better explanation, paralyzed. I had a sharp, paralyzing pain shooting from behind my ear and down my neck. So painful that I was seeing stars and passing out. I take pain well, and you'll agree if you've ever seen my tattoo. After some excruciating moments I made it to the chapel, doped up on painkillers, and was able to party the night away. The next morning it took me about 2 hours to get out of bed. To the Emergency Room I go. Do they find anything? No, but they gave me some great painkillers. After seeing what I thought was a specialist- I'm told that my vertebrae is literally crushing nerves and that its crazy that I've gone this long without pain. After FREAKING out I decided to go for a second opinion which has recently unveiled that there is nothing wrong with my spine. Phew.

Had my "lump" removed. Benign. Had my stitches removed. And that's all I'm going to say for now. Where is an ambulance chaser when you need one? Document, Document, Document! Cool Fact- I have been wearing a band aid since November 2, 2009. BEAT THAT NELLY!!! The other cool fact is TMI for the manly readers of this blog. But I am FINALLY starting to heal and grow scar tissue. Ugly scar tissue- but it's growing and has pretty much fully closed. I have decided to give up my extracurricular streaking as I am kind of self conscious about my scar. Sorry Boys.

There is no need to get into my horrible flight experiences of 2009 since at this point I think its honestly ME that attracts such events. But I did have to have an in-depth eye exam yesterday. This summer I got my eyes examined for the first time since 2001 and my doctor noticed that I have a very large optic nerve which is a red flag for Glaucoma patients. This meant nothing to me but I scheduled a specialty appointment anyway. Well, I finally went to that appointment. After failing a visual fields test twice and almost identically, very large pupils, measuring my optic nerve, and taking pictures it looks like I'm going blind. (This is my diagnosis). I have been assured and promised that I won't go blind because we'll monitor this and watch the transformation of my optic nerve and friends every few months. During the first sign of changing I'll go on drops that allegedly prevent the total blindness that my optic nerve is headed towards. This is something common in patients over 60. I just turned 27. I blame 2009 for this.

In closing I'd like to tie back in with my first "woe is me" paragraph. The girl next door. None of you want her until you wake up one day and realize that's all you've ever really wanted. That you were too cool for school and thought the sequined covered roller coaster ride was a life long bundle of joy. You didn't take into account that drunken fights at 2am in the middle of the street weren't so sparkly. That someone who is off their rocker wouldn't be someone you'd want to raise your children. No, you didn't think about how there is just no depth and heart to that glitter covered girl. You were too wrapped up in the games and stupidly mesmerized by the chase. So what do you do? You call the girl next door, 3 years later, and tell her you've made a mistake and she's "the one that got away." Well- we've already known this. We always have. And you're a fool for waiting 3 years to say something you knew after you let the words "goodbye" leave your mouth.

Peace Out 2009.

Stay Tuned for my 2010 Resolutions and Life List contributions! I'm soooo excited to post a written list of goals, hopes, and dreams to work towards! Especially after this post! As much as this post sounds full of spite its more of a way to let go of 2009 and its heartaches and to close the door behind me. Thank you to those I love who have picked me up, made me laugh, and helped to heal my soul with every speed bump, road block, or train wreck. All of my perfect moments in 2009 were thanks to you. All my love, all the time. Always Always.

"In the pain...there is healing."

-Lifehouse

Fight for Your Life...Every.Single.Day...

...Even if you aren't losing it.

"...Troubles they may come and go

But good times, they're the gold.

Just steady as we go..."

Dave Matthews Band

Part I

I don't think there is a person in the world who didn't once upon a time feel invincible. Myself included, I have walked through life doing the same old "it can't happen to me" dance as I play in traffic. Whether you've run away from home in the middle of the night, jumped off the monkey bars, ate cat food, or rode your "Tricycle of Doom" off a cliff in an attempt to fly- we've all felt invincible.

I've heard stories, from those I love, about the moment they felt that magical invincibility cape slip off. Still, like an idiot, I walked around feeling more aware of the dangers of life but not feeling any close brushes with the casualties of it all.

Everyday we wake up in SHOCK that our alarm is going off. Pissed off that it's Monday. Enraged that there's traffic. Upset that there's no coffee. Frustrated with our Blackberry's screaming off all the tasks we've got to do for that day. Wait... in SHOCK that our alarm is going off? Or in shock that we've made it another day? You mean you don't wake up happy? Happy that you've woken up?

Then one day I woke up. It was September- notably the worst month in my 26 years of existence. I wasn't in shock from my alarm clock going off. I wasn't pissed it was Monday. And my Blackberry was just a noise in the background of the sound of my heart pounding. I felt something. Something hard. Something I was trained to check for. Something that I knew didn't belong. Something that couldn't happen to me. For the rest of the day I pretended like this "something" was nothing. For those of you who don't personally know me- I WILL call 911 if there is a splinter under my skin- I have a PHOBIA of things sitting in me that don't belong. I got home from work and Googled my brains out. I woke up a million times that night talking myself out of this paranoia. Then I truly woke up. Made an appointment for this strange "bump" on my Tata behind a mole. After a rushed appointment- a date and time was set to remove this unwelcome part of me.

The first thing I did? Nothing. I didn't tell anyone. Not my parents, my sister, my brother or my best friend. I let them know I was getting a mole removed but that was the extent of it. Selfish? Maybe- but I had to do some serious thinking on my own before my thoughts were crowded with other peoples fears. The first thing I decided was that I'd be fine. No matter what happens- I'd be fine. The second thing I decided was that I wouldn't tell anyone of my lumps existence until it was out of my body. My third decision was that if my biopsy comes back malignant then a double mastectomy it is. Pardon my French but I don't fuck around. I'm a few weeks shy of 27 and not only single but haven't come CLOSE to finding "the one" so CLEARLY these babies haven't been carrying their own weight anyway! After some research I did find that it wasn't absolutely necessary or needed for me to excommunicate the girls. But still...

So after I played bridesmaid in my dear friend Melissa's wedding and strutted my tiger stuff around Savannah- I went under the knife. I remember when we were in the bridal suite, Melissa, kept fearing the nervous pee syndrome. I sat in the waiting room and went to the little girls room 5 times before they brought me into my room. As I sat in my skimpy little half cloth, half paper outfit on the cold table I thought- This is just fan-fucking-tastic. In here, literally freezing my boobs off, about to possibly dive straight into Hell. I will never forget the sound my pea sized lump made when it hit the pan. If my educational background wasn't so physics enriched I'd have thought you could hear that thud across the world. It was the sound of my invincibility cape falling to the ground. It was the sound of time stopping. Life halting. In the same breath it was the sound of freedom from this evil thing that had taken up space in my body- uninvited.

As the doctor singed "bleeders" and sewed me up, I realized I had new decisions to make now that this demon was gone from my body. She began to say that they'd have the biopsy results in 7 days and that no decisions would be made until then. I decided she was already wrong. I had 7 days of waiting. I could sit around coming apart at the seams or I could live my life as I normally would doing the things that make me happy. I chose to take a deep breath, put on a Snoopy Band aid, and be as normal and happy as possible. If the results came back cancer free, GREAT! I'll have just lived my life as I would any other day. If the results came back that the lump was indeed life altering- those were the last normal 7 days of my life. Ever. This was important to Me. So I asked the doctor to see what came out of Me. She chuckled and showed me. I asked her how many stitches she gave me. She smiled and said 13. I said that 13 is a good sign, it's my favorite number. I made my appointment to get my sutures removed. Friday, November 13th. I laughed and smiled. My 27th birthday.

After telling those I love of the news I got mixed reactions. Some angry that I didn't tell them, some shocked that I was able to participate in recent events, and some who freaked out for me. The first few days went fine. By the 11th day of my "7 days" of waiting- I was about to explode. I look in the mirror and want to cry. I look at the ugly developing scar and feel as though I can't breathe. Where is my biopsy?! Finally on Day 11, the day before my Birthday, I got the news. My evil pea sized lump was benign. And then I allowed myself to cry.

Part of me feels guilty for writing this blog. Guilty because I still sit here rattled by the whole event. I sit here looking at my tube of Mederma, dying to go ahead and use it. I sit here and tear up over the thought of this hideous scar on a part of my body that MAKES me a woman. That makes me a BEAUTIFUL woman. I sit here, guilty, for ever feeling invincible.

Part II

I've recently been playing email tag with a new pal and made mention of how important I think it is to fight for your life. I was asked who I aspire to be like- famous, fiction, TV, movie star etc. I racked my brain to think of who I would want to be like. After naming off a selection of people both in the public eye, and in my heart, I explained myself. I don't want to go a day without fighting for my life. I never just want to be the type of person that just sits there and watches my life go by. Just because we're not sitting here dying of a demon or disease doesn't mean we shouldn't be doing everything in our power to fight for our life and make it OURS. I have many sayings that get me through trying times. One is: Accept. Adapt. Overcome. This is a process that I use when trying to get through the harder things my heart is faced with. The other important one is My B's! Don't Bend, Break, or Back Down. I do not, will not, cannot participate in any action of those 3 words. I found myself repeating these 2 sayings throughout those 11 long days. I was ready to do whatever I needed to do to ensure a long and happy life. And I don't see why any other normal day should be different.

To those who read this and have had similar events occur in their life. Be it close calls or actual life crises- I applaud you. For reading through, for fighting, for being here, for smiling, and for everything else you do to fill your days. I've known a few people in my life who have had combinations of difficult childhoods, lost parents, or had something life altering happen to them at a young age. I've heard from many of them that the day they lost their invincibility cape was the day they realized they didn't know how to live their lives. That their perception and overall understanding on how life works was then warped and altered significantly. I realize my experience is minimal and nothing in comparison to the experiences of the strong men and women that I speak of. However, I do know that we've all fought. Whether it was with chemo, in counseling, through rehab, or like me in waiting. No one knows how to live their life. No one. You can travel the world, run off and get married, work your heart out, make millions, shut yourself in your room, or parachute out of a hundred fucking planes. No one knows how to live their life. We're not supposed to. We're just supposed to live it. Whatever that means to YOU is the important part. At the end of the day we just need to go to bed happy that we've lived another day knowing we've fought for our life. Fought by walking the beach at sunset. Fought by kissing the person we love goodnight. Fought by making sure we've laughed. Fought to open our eyes in the morning.

...Fight for Your life. Every.Single.Day.

To those I Love and those who Love Me:

"When the storm comes,

You shelter me.

When I don't say a word,

You know exactly what I mean.

In the darkest times,

You shine on me.

You set me free.

You keep me Steady as We Go..."

-DMB

A Very Savannah Halloween!

Ya Ya YA! We know Savannah is the go to place for St. Patrick's Day! But- it is gorgeous in October! Allison, Erica, and I decided we needed a weekend away and that we'd go explore some places! It wasn't hard to decide where to go- beautiful, fun, Halloween weekend, and you can walk around with open containers!But like I said- Beautiful! We spent the first day shopping at lots of cool stores and walking around in all the little squares! We got some delicious sandwiches and mac 'n cheese at the Firefly Cafe. We also bothered the waiter 10 times to kill a bee that was giving Allison hives. (ha!). I personally think he was too scared to kill the Bee because he kept lunging and then not doing anything but pissing the bee off. So Erica dove in and killed it herself! (And the crowd goes wild!) Soon we went back to the hotel after we finished up hunting for antique shops. Allison and I decided we'd fill a tub of warm water and pre-soak our feet for zooming around in heels! After some feet soaking- we mixed some drinks and fired up the hot rollers, straighteners, and hopped to it! After too many drinks and many attempts at applying fake eye lashes- we were officially a 3 Ring Circus!

I was OBVIOUSLY a Tiger, Allison a Marionette, and Erica was the Ring Master! Someone, not me, hailed a cab and off we went to Jazz'd. We were expecting delish tapas from all reviews we heard and it was "alright." Off we went into the world! We found Bar Bar and an outside band that was really fun! Unfortunately the band didn't stay out to play as long as we'd have liked! We quickly jumped around town looking for a place to dance! On our way we ran into Falcon the Balloon Boy, Nice Guy/Bad Guy, Ninja Turtles, Scary masked people, and general freaks. I will say this- Everyone just looks pretty average or normal in Savannah. I feel like when I stroll around Charleston there are TONS of beautiful guys and girls. Where as in Savannah it was pretty normal!

After what felt like FOREVER walking around looking for a bar to dance at- I started failing fast. The weekend before I had somewhat of a spinal crisis and had been on pain killers and muscle relaxers for a week or so. Once we started slowing down I started getting more and more tired! The more I drank the more I felt it completely appropriate to just take a snooze on a park bench!

So the girls grabbed me a cab and sent me back to the hotel. From the sounds of it they had a lot more crazy fun while I passed out in bed. I don't even remember changing out of my tiger costume but I did and I even packed up and ate cookies!

Back to my cab ride. I climb into the van (who DOES that?) and the man of my dreams comes up to the cab window and says "Take care of her- she means everything to me." Then we drive away. No- I didn't know the dude who eluded to the cab driver that I was his wife. Onward. Cabbie is a upper 30-something with a mullet like hair-do and deep drawl. Starts telling me I'm the hottest thing to ever climb in his cab but he'll be a "gentleman" since my husband asked him to be. I've never been so thankful to be married... cough. Cabbie, we'll call him Bubba, goes on about his recent life crisis. You see- Bubba is getting a newly divorced dude who live with his ex wife in their double-wide. Don't worry- Bubba is high class because he "owns out right" his double wide as he so strongly stated. Well- Bubba's ex-wife's boyfriend now lives with them too. "The day before Last" the boyfriend and Bubba got in a brawl. Bubba "boxed" the dude in the eye and dude broke Bubba's tooth. Like Bubba said- "I just put some Goodies on it and I'm good to go." The only reason he puts up with all of this is his 7 year old daughter, well that and the boyfriend is a damn good cook. We get to my hotel, I zoom inside, and turn back to wave a nice goodbye to Bubba.

The next day we all get up, feeling horrible, and need some southern grease to cure our deteriorating health. Clary's Diner it is! Other than the fact the hostess looks like she is literally WEARING an inner tube under her sweater- this place looks promising. Our waitress, lets call her Gertrude, is the Queen of the Waitresses. It is clear that Gertrude is the hottest waitress there. She walks with her hand on her hip, decked out in her penciled brows and the reddest shade of lip liner to ever walk through waitress diner land. She attempts to take my order and is taken back when I asked for a "grilled" bagel. Woman- you live in Diner Land. How do you not know what a grilled bagel is? First- you smother it with butter, then you put it on the grill over the bacon grease, and then you smother it with cream cheese. GET ON IT... and make me two please. After diving into my scrambled eggs with cheese, perfect bacon, home fries, and GRILLED bagel- I'm read to wrestle a dragon. The girls inhale their breakfast as I funnel a few Cokes and we're off!

After a great weekend in Savannah we are ready to return home to Charleston. Both are beautiful cities and I am so lucky to have all of this perfection at my finger tips. We are already planning some more trips and revisiting Savannah is definitely a must-do.

Love These Girls!

Happy Birthday to ME! Give Life, Give Blood-Not Presents

For those of you that know me well enough, you know that my most favorite day is Friday the 13th. It is the luckiest day on the planet for me! Whenever a Friday the 13th comes around- I celebrate! What's MORE exciting than Friday the 13th? Ohhh My birthday on Friday November 13th! It just so happens that this year my birthday IS on Friday the 13th! YAY!

You've probably noticed that even as an "adult" I start my birthday countdown about 2 months before my actual birthday. It is something that is so magical and special to me that I just can't help but ooze excitement over the approaching festivities!

I can think of millions of things I'd want for my birthday, but only one thing stands out in my mind. My favorite part about celebrating my birthday is celebrating my life. I live for spending time with those friends and family members that I love so very much. Since there is nothing I truly need I've decided to take a different route in my typical Birthday Celebration.

I'm asking those I love to Donate Blood for my birthday. I don't want presents and I don't need a card to know how much you love and care about me. These are things I already know. There are so many people out there that will not survive without blood transfusions. People I personally love and care for have had to have blood transfusions for various reasons. If someone hadn't been generous and donated blood, my loved one might not have lived to see another birthday of their own- let alone Mine. Many of us have had friends or family that have been in accidents, needed surgery, or even been diagnosed with cancer and were in desperate need of someone's donated blood.

I realize it might sound like a crazy request. But I assure you, it is an honest request. I truly want people to Donate their Blood. When Thanksgiving rolls around we are always donating canned goods and non perishable items to local food banks. Why can't we donate Blood to a Blood Bank? You're still giving to someone in need and in many cases- saving a life.

When my birthday rolls around, I can't help but feel like I'm sitting ontop of the world. Not only because I am the star of my own show (wink!) but because I've had yet another year of wonderful memories while living my life. I'd like to give others the chance to see another birthday so they can celebrate another year that they've been granted to live THEIR life the way they want to.

So Please, Donate Blood for my Birthday. Donate for Thanksgiving. Donate for your Mother, your Father, your Sister, your Brother. Donate for your best friend, the love of your life, and for strangers. Donate Blood for Yourself.

Below I've posted some links to various Blood Drives/Blood Banks in South Carolina as well as a website search around the country, and one specifically for Massachusetts. For those of you who are like me and cannot donate blood- I've gone and found a website with a list of things that both MUSC Children's Hospital and MUSC's Hollings Cancer Center in Charleston, SC need donated. If you can't donate blood and do have some things you'd like to donate to either hospital/center- you can drop it by my house and I can bring all of the items together to be dropped off! For those of you who don't live in South Carolina- You can use Google to find what your local hospital may need donated.

I want this to be a yearly thing. With every year that passes and with every memory I collect- I'd like to give back and help someone else live another year as well.

Thank You in advance to those of you who have signed up to Donate Blood. Thank you to those of you who are doing it to make me happy even though you may be terrified to do so. It means so much to me, more than I can ever express. I better get moving and make millions of Magic Bars for everyone! Orange Juice and Cookies are nothing in comparison to my Magic Bars! Ask Anyone!

Much Love and Thank You's to those willing to participate. A hundred thousand words could not explain how happy this makes Me.

xoxo

Find a Blood Drive Search Engine

South Carolina Blood Banks

List of South Carolina Red Cross Blood Drives

MUSC Hollings Cancer Center

MUSC Children's Hospital

American Red Cross Donor Center MASSACHUSETTS

Do You Remember.....

... Dancing in September!

Or perhaps just surviving. Well so far I've made it. Today is officially the last day of the month! I've already jam packed my first few days of October with a "Mojitos and Stiletto's" event at Shine sponsored by my pal Hunter of Carolina Nightlife, dropping in on "Bowling for Autism" put on by Charleston School of Law, happy hour on Friday with my favorites ladys (who understands my daily battle!), Firefly Vodka Opening Party at Wadmalaw, and Dockside Fashion Show Charity event with Sarah Maxwell! All of these charities and sip habits will be followed by a bridge run with the lovely Megan- trying to keep our perfect parts looking PERFECT! Yay for October!

But also- Yay for sucking it up and making the best of a normally difficult month. I stated in one of my last posts that last September (2008), I was pleasantly distracted and really didn't have room in my heart to ache. After re-reading my own post I decided I'd actively try and keep busy- even if that meant learning how to knit. Which I haven't figured out yet for the record.

The month started off with a BANG as usual and is slowing down and leaving a more calm mark on my memories. The first two weeks of September were probably the worst two weeks of 2009. Or possibly the last huge chunk of my life. Move over heartbreakers and stupid boys, flat tires, and shrinking bank accounts. Helloooo Legal Trouble!! It's true. Not only was I convinced that I was about to dive into the legal ride of my life (again- move over future divorce if applicable), but I was pretty sure that I was going to need a new profession and obviously lots of tequila and tissues. I truly cannot remember a time where my stress level had elevated to such high areas. Like Austin said "This will Pass." And thankfully, for now, everything has been handled and hopefully DIED. You had better be knocking on wood as you're reading this!

Life turned upside down aside- it wasn't such a bad month, if you don't count the first two weeks. I did lots of exploring and event hopping with Allison and Erica this month! I've even thought of a few projects for at home and to do in the therapy setting! I've also started some research on Fluency Disorders and Selective Mutism! Go Me! I've even been crazy enough to apply for weekend jobs! I'm worried my medical setting therapy/evaluation skills are dying by the minute so I'd like to brush up on it by working!

I did think about those I love and miss but tried to spend those thoughts reflecting on more positive than negative thoughts. I did keep myself occupied during my crisis. I did refrain from crying until it was all over with. And I did blast the song "September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire every chance I got for inspiration.

What? I'm musically motivated!

Thanks to those who held my hand this month. Both literally and figuratively. You all provided me with some pretty strong glue in many forms and it worked! Much Love.

I Hate Bikers.

...And by Bikers I mean Bicyclists. Don't get me wrong- I do enjoy the song "Bicycle" by Queen, although it's not nearly as good as "Fat Bottom Girls" or "Under Pressure." If you know me well enough, or if you've ever driven in the car with me, you'd know that I hate bikers. Share the Road. WHAT? SHARE THE ROAD?!?! Why? If I have to share the road with you, Mr. Bikeman, then why don't you share with me and ride on the SIDE of the road instead of IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE?! I'd like to think my 4 wheeled, 2000-something pound, mode of transportation with an engine would win this power struggle. So why don't you just safely ride on the side of the road and share like your damn t-shirt says? And another thing- It's a SIDEWALK! If I am running or walking on the sidewalk I should not have to jump into the bushes when you speed by. On the Sidewalk. Illegally I might add. That's right. The sign, t-shirt, and bumper stickers say SHARE THE ROAD. Not the flipping sidewalk. That is definitely mine. (Please keep in mind this whole rant pertains to adults and not children.) I don't understand why bikers don't have their OWN lane! That way they can speed along or go for a little joy ride in their own specified area.

Oh wait. You people do have your own area/lane... on the Cooper River Bridge here in Charleston, SC. I also hate bikers on this bridge. Not only do I have to deal with the 17 year olds who drive by and whistle or honk- but I've got to deal with various bikers/bike teams while I'm running. The 17 year olds drive by ONCE. You zoom by in your bike lane and whistle or make some pathetic remark and then come back, and back again! I get to put up with your spandex wearing whistling self multiples of times! You know what's also sweet of you? Yelling at me, in my running lane, to move out of YOUR way because another biker is going to slow. I thought you were sharing the road? Why not share with fellow bikers instead of barking orders at me while I'm going for a jog? I can read your t-shirt: Share the Road. Can't you read my shorts?? KEEP BACK 200 FEET! They're bright red- you can't miss them! By the way Biker's: Where are your Helmets? Do you have some desire to experience TBI first hand? Hmm... 

You know what else I hate? Biking COUPLES. Stab me in the eye. Why... why must couples peddle together? It makes me sick. This could be my I-don't-want-to-be-single self speaking... but I doubt it. So you and your sweetie want to spend some quality time together peddling around the world. Lovely. That counts as quality time together? Zooming down the road not saying anything to one another? Must be Love. I can assure you that when Mr. Right arrives here (he's currently walking here from like Europe or somewhere) he and I will not be biking together. We will most likely be speeding around in some fast car or doing wheelies on my motorcycle. We will especially not be biking side by side in the middle of the stupid road. What is this a love suicide pact? So Ethel and Floyd- please move your lollygagging selves over to the side of the road in a single file fashion so that you do not get seriously injured and sue me over your inability to pay attention to oncoming traffic. It would be greatly appreciated!

Some other options for those that love to bike. How about Mountain Biking? Go share the mountains with billy goats, mountain lions, and of course George W. Bush. I would err on the side of caution and not go during hunting season. I also heard the Tour de France is a good place to bike at. 

To those Pals I have that like to ride their bikes around town- I somewhat apologize if you find this offensive. I also hope you're at least wearing your helmet if you know I'm driving around!

Beep Beep! 

Wake Me up when September ends...

And the Past,

it knocks on your door,

 and throws stones at your window

 at 4 in the morning...

-Anna Nalick

September. Back again so soon? Like clock work I woke up feeling nauseous- somehow before my alarm. Got myself a breakfast soda and fired up my Mac. Sure enough the little screen tells me it's September 1st. I should have known from the feeling in my stomach. After fighting the urge to climb back into bed, I took a cold shower (not by choice), and drove to work. I tried to remind myself that September 2008 turned out well. I was happy for the most part and anytime I felt the ache start to surface- I was pleasantly distracted and pushed it aside. As much as I'd like to- I'm doubtful that I'll pull that off this year.

Given that most of my readers don't know how the last week of August has gone for me- coupled with the fact that I am not able to write/email/blog/transcribe my avalanche of a life at the moment- please know that I'm already feeling like my life is about to fall apart. Forget about the fact that September itself usually tries to drown me in memories. I'd love to be wrong- but it looks like it's going to be a long month. But- Fingers Crossed just in case.

September hurts because I miss those I've loved and lost. September hurts because it seems like the golden month for things to go wrong. September hurts because its always a transition month for me. September just usually hurts. 

Every year I try to actively scam and scheme my way out of aching. I think about my grandparents passing. I think about my Grandma Pat (short for Patricia of course) who I'd visit every Monday while my Mum cleaned her house. I think about all the things we had to get done in one day- like play with her beads, drink coffee with a spoon, eat cookies hidden in the freezer, and use the hokey pokey (this fuzz picking up "vacuum"). Always quite the list of chores. Enough time has passed where I can think of these things and laugh or smile. But it wasn't that long ago that the thought of any of these things would make me think of the picture I drew that I never got to give her. Or my Grandpa, yes we just called him grandpa, who would take me/us for rides in his Cadillac. He'd bring us Easter egg doughnuts from Dunkins. He came to dinner every Saturday bringing "special bread" (scali bread with sesame seeds) and a gallon of ice cream (usually heavenly hash or rocky road). Although I haven't eaten heavenly hash or rocky road ice cream since his last visit, I have made progress. The more inner demons I conquer the less I think about the last time I saw him in the hospital bed dying of cancer, barely recognizable. Thoughts like this only ever lead to a downward spiral of more thoughts. I used to wake up in the middle of the night freaking out about dying and how final I thought it was. I'd then think about how Grandma Pat didn't ever get to see me ride my bike without training wheels, let alone graduate with both my Bachelor's and Master's Degrees. How Grandpa won't be at my wedding whistling through his teeth after the initial shock of me committing to a life long thing wore off. 

When the end of the month rolls around I usually think of Jack. I think about how much of a family member he was and how I still can't believe he's been gone for 4 years. I try and remember the time my Mum hit PJ on the head with an ad from the newspaper and she threatened to call the police. As she ran to get the portable phone, Jack showed up at the door in his police uniform and sure enough- PJ reported my Mum for child abuse. No arrests were made that day.

These things are final. The final memories I'll have with these people. With the inner growing I've done- I do a pretty stand up job of remembering them with a smile instead of a tear. Saying that I miss them doesn't do the feeling justice. But what about those that I miss who are still here? Those that chose for themselves that they didn't want to be a part of my life and memories anymore. I haven't figured out how to fill that void yet. We all make choices and I know it is their choice, not mine, that leaves me wondering how they are, if they miss me like I miss them, and why they left. Just like it's my choice to still wonder and miss. But is missing someone or something a "choice?" I'm not sure. When it comes to explaining the reasons and ways in which I miss someone- a hundred thousand words could not quite explain...

 

In the meantime I'm going to try and reminisce with a smile this month. I know it won't be easy, but in all honesty I wouldn't want it to be easy to miss these people that I love. When I smile I'll think about how everyone thinks it's my best physical feature. How my smile lights up my face and perhaps a room or two. Then I'll think about how my Grammy Pat and I have the same smile. When I laugh and someone says "I could hear you laughing from across the street"- I'll think about how loud my Grandpa laughed and will be reminded that I get that from him. I'll continue to do things for others, just like Jack was always doing for those he loved- Never leaving anyone left behind, always helping those in need whether they knew they needed it or not. And when I think about how happy I am when I'm truly living my life- I'll think about You. Above all- I'll always be thankful for every second, of everyday, that I've shared a memory or part of my life with someone I love.

I long for the day when there's no Goodbyes....

-Pat McGee Band

Please Come to Charleston in the Springtime....

For those of you that are not aware, or if you're completely in denial of my northern upbringing, I am a Massachusetts native. Born and raised just off the Rhode Island border in a little town that no one knew existed. Well, that is until I started roaming the earth. Anyways, while I paraded around in my Masshole skin, I attended the University of Massachusetts- aka Zoomass. I won't welcome you to the Jungle in this blog, but I will introduce you to some ladies with some amazing super glue. While these two particular ladies are not the ONLY Boston girls that I hold in my heart, they are the most recent visitors to my new home in Charleston, SC. 

Meet Suzanne. Also referred to as Questionie. Why? Because she asks a lot of questions. If you've got your new beau on the other line- don't hand her the phone or she'll threaten his life. In most of my cases- it was well deserved. But anyways. I've lost track- but Suzanne has done her fair share of finding the shattered pieces of my heart and trying to glue them together again. She's always the voice of reason, sometimes harsh reasoning, but always reasonable. She is also always kind of sparkly. It's true. Always wearing cute little do-dads. 

Meet Katie. Also referred to as Katie Treat. Why? I'm not entirely sure why but I do know that she is famous for sending me treat mail! It seems every time I've hit my new "low" I land back in Boston. She is always calm and collected in her counseling sessions. The best part is when I "land" back home- it is only a matter of time before I've got a note in my mailbox. She's always good about reminding me that I'm surely not alone in the mess I'm trying to sort out. I even get notes on Valentine's Day saying Cheers to being Single on V-Day! 

     

*                    *                    *

And so I ask: Did they tell you WHY your plane was delayed? I never get on until they give me more information.

Suzanne: KATIE! We were supposed to ask what was wrong with the plane. (to flight attendant)- Excuse Me. Excuse Me!

Aside from almost experiencing their first tornado in the South- they arrived in one piece and off we went to the "K House." First things first- Poe's Tavern on Sullivan's Island and a follow up pitcher or two at Red's Ice House. We weren't at Poe's five minutes before Katie had fallen head over heels with Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka. Can you blame her? 

The next day we roamed around the Angel Oak Tree on Johns Island. Dined at Jim n Nicks BBQ while sipping on $3 Margaritas. We also bounced from Chais, to Moe's, to the Griffin and back to the K House for more Margaritas. I somehow conned the girls into going to the Pirate Museum/Restaurant at the old City Bar. We also took multiple tours of the harbor, downtown, and self guided tours by your favorite Boston turned Charleston Girl! We bounced around the Open Air Market, Historic King Street Shopping, The Farmer's Market and the Battery. 

Katie and Suzanne

My favorite day? Clearly "Katie Meets Sonic," and "My Birthday" night. Slated as a typical "Girls Night Out," we were only fooling ourselves thinking a night out with 6 girls from all over the country would be anything typical. I should have known when I pulled out of the Boulevard Diner in Mt. P that it was going to be a fun night. Prior to take off Katie sings "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE." Then I pulled into oncoming traffic and plopped us into the suicide lane. I heard a faint gasp and then "As Karen kills us before my dreams come true" from the back of the car. In my defense- if she would have just texted her friends like she was supposed to she wouldn't have known there were cars coming. Anywho- We arrive at Sonic and the girls are euphoric over the girl on roller skates. So much so that they have their camera's ready as the poor girl skates up to deliver the goodies. I pulled the girls back into the car after they begged for autographs and quickly took them to a special spot to eat our treats.

Tell me she doesn't look HORRIFIED

I wanted the girls to see my boat ramp at Remley's Point. This is the place I go with my imaginary boat and practice backing it off the ramp. Ahem, in my Toyota Corolla. I usually then go and sit at the end of the dock and wait for my sanity to return. In typical Suzanne fashion- she makes friends with some local fisherman off the end of the pier and all but gives them the longitude and latitude coordinates of the K House. Thankfully we are used to Suzanne and the Southern Folk are used to friendly people. We then zoomed home and got ready for our Girls Night Out!

After mixing drinks and jamming to a wonderful mix I made- we were on the prowl. We landed at The Rooftop at Vendue Inn and then jumped over to the Pavillion Rooftop where Katie somehow managed to find some dudes from Boston. Typical. But good news- they bought us JagerBombs. Typical? Totally. Ok just one time I promise- jagerbomb-jagerbomb-jagerbomb! Guidos Unite! Down the elevator we go and land at The Brick (a personal fav) where we find Allison and friends! I'm in the midst of sipping my Long Island Iced Tea when the hot guitarist yells "WHERE IS KAREN?!"  Clearly I didn't think he was referring to me. Well that is until all 8 girls we were with started to point to Me. After a small out of body experience I realize they are singing Happy Birthday... to ME! So I go along with it because this isn't the first time I've celebrated my birthday in July (woot woot Erin). At the end of the song the hot guitarist wished me happy birthday... among other unmentionables. Why he didn't ask for my number when he came to hang out with us 10 minutes later is beyond me. RUDE! After all it was my f'ing birthday for crying out loud! Whatev. It was a fabulous time of dancing and singing with the girls.

Happy Birthday to ME!?!!

My favorite part of the whole trip was not to show them how much tequila I consume- but to show them what life is truly like for me. How I get to run the bridge, walk the pier, jump in the ocean, stroll past fancy boutiques, and lay under billion year old oak trees that have Michael Jackson's face poking through the bark. They also got to see WHY I run the bridge so often- my ass would blow up with all the delicious food we have here! (I did bring them places other than Sonic).  The city of Charleston is undeniably beautiful and the history can be mesmerizing with the right tour guide! 

When I dropped Katie and Suzanne off at the airport it was a sad goodbye. They were the first "back home" friends I've had visiting me! It was also scary because Katie told me I made the biggest mistake ever being a great hostess because they are going to come back again! I'm not sure why it was given in such a threatening tone but I'm boarding up my house as we speak! 

So in the meantime- I get to countdown to my next trip to Boston.... how many more days until Thanksgiving?? 

Liar, Liar, Your Pants are on Fire

"I wandered through Fiction to look for the Truth. Buried beneath all the Lies" 

-Goo Goo Dolls 

So- What's the biggest Lie you've ever told? The most earth shattering, heartbreaking, tear you up inside Lie you've ever told? 

A few weeks back I had a bunch of friends over for some drinks and good conversation prior to going out for the night. Somehow the subject of "lies" was brought up and someone asked that same question: What is the BIGGEST Lie you've ever told? Now- I will say this- Hands did not fly up in the air to volunteer! He-who-must-not-be-named volunteered the biggest lie he could think of on the spot. He told a story about a trip to Boy Scout Camp (or something) with a good friend. Along the way there they hooked their Gameboy's up and played against each other. At the end of the trip- they couldn't remember whose Gameboy was whose! One device had clearly been beaten up, the other looked brand new. So this person secretly carved his name in the battery cover of the newer Gameboy. Suddenly, "Hey Dude I just remembered- I carved my name in the battery case of my Gameboy!" 

Funny right? But life altering? Nah. Especially knowing that this person doesn't live a life of criminal behavior and constant deceit of those around him. We all do greedy or selfish things, however, some of us carry those behaviors throughout our lives. 

While I sit here and type this therapeutic piece- I cannot for the life of me think of the worst Lie I've ever told. I doubt it's because my friends and family read my blog. I'm sure there were many times I lied about cleaning my room when I shoved my toys under my bed instead. But, I think for me the biggest "lies" I've told are those things that I haven't told others. Those things I saw that I should have spoken up about. Things I've experienced but never leaked it to another ear. Or even those choices I've made and chose not to tell those whose lives were affected by my choice. Are those lies worse? Those things you don't tell the people you care about because you know it will hurt them? Is that a Lie? I'm not sure. 

Another thing I'm not sure about: Why do people Lie? What is the freaking point? Clearly I'm not talking about "little white lies" here. We've all been in situations where we had to openly confess or come forward with information that we knew would upset those the words fell on. But does it make you a hero to change the truth? Are you doing that person a favor by "shielding" them from this pain? No. People need truth. Why? Because they can't truly cope without it. Because that is what everyone searches their whole life for- Truth. You can't let someone live seconds, minutes, hours of their lives without the truth. It isn't fair. They alter their thoughts and lives based on the lie you've sold them. Then some rainy day down the road they fall face first over the truth that you've tried to protect them from. And for what? For YOU to sleep at night. For you to think you weren't the "bad guy". Or for you to feel the relief that you've gotten away without the person you love seeing the red paint on your hands. 

I work with children. Ages 3-14- sometimes higher. I get to see a good progression of lying. Generally speaking, the younger kids come right out and tattle on themselves. "I punched Johnny because he broke my crayon." Sometimes if you're lucky they'll assign themselves a punishment. Anyways, I digress. You know when they're 3 years old and lying about having gone potty in their pants. You know the truth before you ask the question. Or when they're in 2nd grade and they stole their pals bouncy ball- the smirk is usually a tell tale sign. But how do they progress from the smirk to lying to your face? How does it become such an acceptable thing? What is so acceptable about wronging someone you care about? I guess maybe that's the real question- Do you care enough about them to choose to do the right thing? To avoid temptation? To protect them by NOT wronging them? Or is it just human nature- some innate part of all of us?

Who knows. I do know that it would be much easier if people's pants really caught on fire after they told a big Lie! So if you've lied about where you've been, who you've been with, what you were doing, how long you've been doing it, how you feel, or if you've held back answers to someone's unasked questions- knowing they need to hear the words... I hope you choose to be honest. I hope you choose to tell the truth. Maybe the pain it takes to speak those words will help you to make better decisions in the next round. To avoid hurting those you love by making the right choice the first time. We've only got so many moments in life- we might as well live them the honest way. 

Next Question: What is the nicest thing you've ever done for someone? The most heart filling, ground shaking, mountain moving, life changing thing you've ever done for someone? 

Having trouble? Maybe that should tell us something....

"So live like you mean it. Love 'til you feel it. It's all we need in our lives." 

- "Before it's too Late"  By: Goo Goo Dolls

We're Sleeping in the Streets....

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

Even though I currently have the summer off- I just love counting down to the weekend! Especially when friends come in from out of town to play with us Charleston Ladies! My friend Allison and I went to Charlotte, NC for the Fourth of July and so it was only fair to host the Charlotte Boys! What were we thinking? I'm still wearing my sunglasses around inside. Well that and because I look wicked cool. Just saying...

The boys started infiltrating Charleston on Friday afternoon and the town was destroyed by Sunday morning. It all started off with a calm dinner at Poe's Tavern on Sullivan's Island with Phil since Allison decided to ditch us for Sean Brock's (of McCrady's Downtown) crab something something at a social event she went to. She later begged us to join her and Erica- and to bring alcohol. She made the right request because we arrived at the Battery with Tequila and Chips with Salsa. Yum. So we sat on the front porch indulging in some margaritas while making fun of Phil and Banks for their accents. Which transformed into Banks freaking out because he thought we voted for Bush. Does he remember we're from Massachusetts? After being entertained by the way they say the letter "W", we rallied the troops and headed downtown! We survived Banks' crazy road skills and hopped around a few places on King Street before landing at Trio for some dancing. I am thankful that I was super sober that night because I wouldn't have been able to recall all the crazy events if I wasn't! 

Hunter and Kate

Gilroy's is the place to go on King Street if you want super greasy pizza at ungodly hours of the night. So we reassembled over some pepperoni pizza and got our head counts before we left downtown. Thank God for girls with Drama because we had PLENTY to watch thanks to Banks supplying us with some girls who claimed they gave a friend of ours their car keys. Which meant they couldn't get home until they found him. So...we took them home with us to get their keys! As my friend Suzanne would say- Oiy. Got there, handed over their stuff (purses/towels etc) and we snuggled on Allison's bed for a few before the K House (My House) group headed back to Mount Perfect. Cue loud banging on the front door. Door is answered. Girls are back demanding their keys, again. Long story short- the keys fell out of a purse down at Folly Beach (approx 20 mins away)  and some bartender at some hotel apparently has them. Awesome. After some problem solving, AAA is called to pop the trunk because there are apparently keys in there. Which means they've just got to play the waiting game for a bit. As the K House group leaves we notice that they are sleeping in the street. Literally. Towels spread out. Snuggled in the street. I don't know what happened after that, but I do know they got back home safely. 

Banks, Myself, Phil

Saturday Morning. Well- we were all supposed to go to the Farmer's Market in Marion Square for Crepes but since we all got to bed at like 4am we vetoed that plan and caught a few more minutes of sleep. We had a beach party planned for the afternoon and so we spent the morning finding ways to bring alcohol to the beach. Mission accomplished. In true beach clique fashion- some ladies lounged in chairs gossiping, some beachy people played bocce ball, and the men did manly things. Like practiced Kiteboarding. I have to admit- it was pretty cool watching the Charlotte boys maneuver their kite around in figure 8's. But we all know what happens when boys play- someone gets hurt. Phil narrowly missed getting his face, legs, neck whatever else, taken off by the kite thanks to the crazy wind we were having. He escaped with a mark across his face that makes him look like the Joker from Batman. I can talk about this because A) he told people I did it, and B) because it is going to go away and I won't feel guilty about putting it in my blog. Well that and when we went swimming I almost drowned- until I stood up. Whose fault was this?! Ahem, exactly. 

Allison, Me, Phil, Erica, Morgan

Anyways- Cue black skies. Party disperses. And guess what? We can't find Hunter or Banks- who have what? Someones keys. Again. So Phil, Sarah, and myself retreat back to Poe's Tavern for some dinner and plan our night while we wait for the boys to answer one of our 50 phone calls. Who gets the first returned phone call? That's right- Sweet Karen. They showed up at Poe's, inhaled some burgers with us, and planned the night to come.

Sarah, Phil, Me, Banks at Poe's Tavern

Saturday Night. I should just call it Tequila Night. I made Margarita's and chili cheese dip at my house and had everyone over. The men played Wii for a while, the girls funneled margaritas, and then we sat around chatting for a bit. Biggest topic of conversation? What was the worst lie you've ever told? Somehow I don't think scratching your name into someone else's Gameboy counts as the worst lie you've told, Banks, but who am I to judge. So I posed the question- what is the nicest thing you've ever done for anyone? Apparently no one in the group does nice things, aside from me of course. The crew headed out to Shem Creek and landed at Infuzions to see the Atlanta Falcons. I didn't see one Falcon but there were a few people that saw my panties after I had tucked my dress into them. Super! Thankfully the hostess open field tackled me and saved me from even more embarrassment. I was more thankful when I arrived at the table to find a tequila martini that was freaking amazing. I did later confess to unknowingly shaking my booty for the waiting room. Moving on, to Red's Ice House! Not typically a late night establishment but they were happy to see us. They were even more happy to serve us tequila shots and Corona's. I blame Phil for telepathically telling me to pour a tequila shot into my Corona. I may or may not have shoved some contraband into Banks' pocket that spawned some heavy confusion. I know for sure we laughed for like 20 minutes before relocating and making friends at the bar. Or enemies since the boys were mad the band was closing up and Red's closes earlier than downtown (since it's not a late night establishment!). I don't remember who- but someone was talking about building a house out of recycled goods I think. Fast Forward. Our DD dropped the K House crew off and when we eventually went to bed- I'm pretty sure I snored myself to sleep. Which never happens. For the record. 

Sunday Morning. I woke up feeling sick. Ate some crackers and drank some Coke. Played with Nova and Murphy for a while. And then went back to bed. We celebrated our survival at the Charleston Cafe which was formally the Bookstore when it was downtown. The Charleston Cafe is amazing. Everyone we take there LOVES it. Can you blame them? Negative. AND there was No Line! That's right! When you sleep until noon you don't have to fight with the church crowd at 9am! We may have needed to have taken up space at our favorite pew but we failed to do so. Oh well. 

I once again failed to take my camera out of my purse. I really need to get better at that! So I've taken it upon myself to steal everyone else's pictures! Compliments to those who are on top of saving memories in picture form. I preserve them in blog form. Oh- You're Welcome! 

Morgan, Kate, Allison, Sarah, and Moi at Trio

Yay for Professional Kudos!

All of the Speech and Language Pathologists I've worked with, studied with, done research with, or collaborated ideas with have been fabulous. I work for a very cool company that prides itself on being better than the best. Perfect fit for me, Right?! This past semester/quarter of work was quite stressful. I've had crazy cases all year long but one case in particular brought out several big guns with lots of ammo. I entered and left each meeting thinking "don't screw up, don't screw up." As a first year therapist I was still learning the ins and outs of the system as well as transferring what I learned in school to my practices. I'm from Massachusetts and worked in the system for 2 years, relocated to Georgia for graduate school and learned their laws, and started my first year of employment in South Carolina. I had a lot of standards, rules, regulations, and criteria to re-learn and I was always worried I was thinking I had the wrong states regulations on my brain. With a lot of help I managed to make it through my first year. This doesn't mean I won't land in court but at least I still have my license for now right!! 

My Moment of Fame on the front page of my companies website!: (Um- I'm Wicked excited about this incase you didn't pick up on it!)

Kudos to Karen Astin and a team of therapists from a school Director in SC:  "I don't think I have ever been prouder of a team than I was today.  You guys did an awesome job on the evaluation.  It was a comprehensive report.  Your presentation "oozed" with knowledge and confidence! Our children are lucky to have all of you.  Keep up the good work."

Paint Yo Feelingz

A few posts ago I stated that I was going to buy a painting for over my bed. I've had a particular painting in mind, that I absolutely love, but felt it was too sentimental for right now. A friend of mine suggested that perhaps I paint something myself to match the colors and decor of my room. Brilliant! So instead of watching soap operas and eating Rainbow Chip Frosting out of the container, which is completely HEAVENLY I might add, I got busy on my art project! It was requested that I use this art project to reflect on some mixed feelings I might be having. I can't be sure, but this could be a painting of my feelings if you're following those guidelines.

First- Make sure you have help. You can't go through life without a little help now and then.

Second- Build your easel. Any good artist is going to need an easel to paint on. And since we all know I'm a fabulous artist- I damn well needed an easel!

Third- Blank Canvas meets Paint. I kind of like this actually. Quite artsy. 

Forth- Paint it Red. Two coats please!

Fifth- Fire your help if they aren't helping. Take note to Miss Thang passed out in the background. Brat.

Sixth- Apply feelings with a fluid motion. And by fluid motion I mean whip the paint at the canvas as hard as you can. You can scream if you need to. 

Seventh- Hang your Masterpieces! Shut up- that's as even as they're going to get. 

Eighth- Find something else to do with your life for next week. Suggestions Welcome. Am I supposed to sign my artwork? Hmm...

4th of July in Charlotte, NC

The Adventures of Karen and Allison.

After packing the car with the bare essentials: Tequila, Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka, Pillows, Panties, Sunblock, Hats, Diet Coke, Chips, Goldfish and Cute dresses- We took off in search of Charlotte, NC. 

Along the way we smelled bacon, told funny stories, planned events, heard engagement news (yay Kelsey and Stephan!), and said "I love this song" a million times. Yes, we smelled bacon. 

We found ourselves at a vacant CVS, searched for a Publix that didn't exist, and ate at Five Guys Burgers (drool). When we finally arrived at the Lake House we were relieved! We were specifically instructed to "Call Phil" for directions. Did we call Phil? No way. I did text Phil as we were walking down the driveway to say we had gotten there safely and that there was some red car in the driveway. As Allison opened the back door that was "left unlocked for us" and we walked inside the house, Phil responded with "Um, there's no red car there." YIIIIKES. 

Thankfully, like most boys, he was wrong because we quickly found a picture of him in a bikini on the mantel as well as other fun moments the boys had found themselves in. Sorry for the "Bus," Phil! Anyways- back to my story! After some relaxing and unpacking/snacking we headed to downtown Charlotte. 

After wondering around "Alive After Five" looking for Phil and Friends we finally teamed up and went bar hopping. Round One was at The Fox and Hound where a Michael Jackson Karaoke night was in full swing! Round Two was at the Brick and Barrel where this Homeless Vet was getting his groove on (dude he was way better than I am!). And all of the final rounds were at Alley Cat where Tim got us a hook up to get in! Lots of fun, lots of dancing. I may or may not have seen some dudes livelihood- I can't be sure since NO ONE ELSE SAW. Ugh- You people are hopeless!

The next day was a pool party and boat day! We went and hung out by a friends pool, ate some hot dogs, played some pool, and went home to recuperate! Tim and Phil then steered the boat while we went for a ride and watched the sunset. We docked at Tbonez and had supper and some drinks while we watched wasted boaters zoom around. This guy, that I named Mike Smith, was tanked and trying to dock his boat. For what? A beer. After Mike Smith was long gone we headed home to play a few rounds of "Guess that Song." I clearly won.

Happy Fourth of July!! We started off the day getting into our swim suits, packing the boat, mixing drinks, and making mixed cds! Cruised out to the Sandbar, blew up the float, threw it in the water- and JUMPED ON! Aside from having to pee in the water- Lots of fun! Even mooning people everytime I jumped back on the float was entertaining. I should have gotten a tattoo on my tail end because I swear no one has seen my rear that much- EVER. There was a creeper who pulled up to the sandbar with his video camera. He was all alone in his boat. Allison spotted him with his hand down his pants. I try not to think about it. The rest of the 4th was great too. Lots of fireworks, and cooking out while meeting new people. 

The last day of the trip Allison and I got up and went searching for some surprises for our Hosts! We met up with Phil downtown to have lunch and scope out his place. Landed back at the Lake House to catch up with Hunter and Banks. We of course filled them in on all the fun. People getting arrested, mooned, wasted, rotting potatoes, and the people we had met. 

I figured I should post some fun pictures of our trip! Allison and I both had a BLAST and are looking forward to our next trip up! I am SURE everyone is looking forward to our return because they practically cried when we left. I saw tears. Seriously.

The Torture of Time

Time heals all.

Time moves slowly.

Time is on my side.

Time keeps on ticking.

This is the time to remember.

Remember the time.

Time changes things.

Just give it Time.

Killing time.

Time of My Life.

Time After Time.

Wasting Time.

The first Time.

It's not my Time.

Only Time Will Tell.

Do you mark time? I do. It's not something I do on purpose, but it is something I frequently torture myself with. Six years ago on April 1st I stopped running. A month ago I was home in Massachusetts. 6 months ago last week I went on vacation. Three years ago I got accepted into graduate school. Time time time. Always haunting me. Lately, I've been drowning in my old memories. Both insignificant and life altering. It must be a popular month because I feel like I'm always thinking "a year ago today I...." I don't know what makes me think of the date that I went parasailing, the first time I went to Magnolia's, the first time I ran the bridge, or the first time I did CPR on a patient- but these things just keep floating around my head. 

A best friend of mine also seems to be suffering from this "Time Torture," especially today. Which got me thinking- Why should we struggle with a certain day just because a year ago our heart was broken, or our life changed because of something that happened? It's not like it's someones damn birthday. My dad's birthday (whom I call Ernie) was last week. On his birthday I did not sit there and think "Hmm 53 years ago Ernie was born." No way- that'd be lame-o and creepy. Especially since I swear he has to only be 45.  And yet I still sit here thinking about these moments of my life that have passed me. For some of them I laugh, others I ache. Maybe it's just like a self checking system- you know- to keep my life on the right path. Who knows. I can't say it's unhealthy to reflect upon these moments, but I also can't state with certainty that it has any positive affects on the soul either. Who am I to decide?

Someone recently advised me to live in the present- not the future, nor the past. I've been actively trying to do this with every ounce of me and you know what? It's not easy. But I do agree that it's the right way to live. I went for a drive tonight to think about his advice because I was having a difficult time grasping it. I don't think we should "forget" our past- but we can't live in it. We can't live that life because it's in the past for a reason. Our past events have already molded us- whether we like it or not. We also can't live in the future because we have no way to grab ahold of it. I can timeline the Hell out of my "future" and the life I want but just because I think I should be married with kids when I'm XYZ doesn't mean life will unravel that way. I know huh? Rats! 

Is it time to let Time move along on it's own? I think so.

There are days it feels like yesterday, and days it feels like it was a million years ago... Always in my heart... xoxo

"When I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me. And you make everything alright. I can always find my way when you are near."- Train

Because I think it says exactly how I'm feeling: When I Look to the Sky- Music/Video  Lyrics

                                            

                                                        Sunset over the Cooper River