"The broken clock is a comfort.
It helps me sleep tonight.
Maybe it can stop tomorrow,
from stealing all my time. "
- Lifehouse "Broken"
Disclaimer: As you've recently read, I am a big celebrator of life. I love to laugh, smile, sing in the car, be with the people I love and soak up every aspect of life. With that said- F Off 2009! GOOD RIDDANCE! This blog is not to whine and cry about a horrible year but is to inspire a better year to come.
You know- 2009 started off as the best year EVER! I found myself on a cruise ship outside of St. Thomas as the magical ball dropped in NYC, kissing 2008 away and kissing 2009 hello. Honestly, the best New Years I've ever experienced. Two thousand and nine was going to be great- I had visions of private practice, homeowner-ship, offers to research therapy products, moving trucks, travel, a growing relationship, family coming to visit, and every awesome second that I got to spend with those I care for! I couldn't wait!
Then I got my ass dumped the weekend before Valentine's Day. No one wants the girl next door- they say they do but most want some spontaneous sparkly bombshell of a girl who they can barely hold onto. Which is fine- we all deserve to get what we want. Even though I lack spark and blinding sparkle- I make up for that in personality and overall fucking amazing. As you read on you'll find some recanted statements from a few men... HA!
Anyway- pack up and move on. As I've said before- Accept.Adapt.Overcome. And for the most part I did. Started dating again, made some great new friends, and really got a chance to explore Charleston now that I wasn't away every weekend. My family came to visit and I'm pretty sure they couldn't understand why I love this city so much but I feel the same way about Massachusetts so we're even.
As you know, about 2.5-3 months of dating Mr. Awesome he decides its completely normal to run off and elope with a girl he's known 2 weeks. Again- she's a model and total party girl. See- BLINDING sparkly and a roller coaster. EVERYONE wants a roller coaster ride. Not me. Good Luck. And still I sit here and wonder... Canoe vs. Kayak?
So my contract was up at work and I had already declined to move to Greenville, SC to work for some heavy hitters so I took the offer to work at my same location for the following year. I figured that I'd be ready for anything given my previous year of legal issues and exploding cases. Ha. I was wrong. I applied for my national certification, my C's (aka the Golden Ticket), then applied for my state license. Apparently my "interpretation" of the date I started at wasn't the same "interpretation" that the state had in mind. I was given a "choice" of fraud or illegally seeing clients. Both of which are against my code of ethics and that I'd be stripped of both my state license and national certification, translation: I'd never be able to work again in the United States again if after my hearing they took my certifications etc. So what did I do? Called my last boyfriends Law Firm... and hung up. Then I called again... and hung up again. Got together with some friends that have grown to be more like family, Austin and Katie, and poured out my situation to them. Katie had the same "rip the roof" off mentality I had. Austin on the other hand told me to stop being such a northerner and sweet talk them and write as many apology letters as possible before calling The Law Firm and actually speaking to someone. I was also advised to stop calling and hanging up on people because "it's rude." So I took the "Austin Road" and wanted to throw up with humiliation the whole way. But- he was right, it was all "a big misunderstanding." Which it was, after all, a misinterpretation of dates. Lesson Learned: If you can lose your license/certification over a date then imagine what else you can lose it over. I document EVERYTHING. Even how many stickers I give out...
Work roller coaster ended and I was happy to get off that sucker. It was time to get ready for Melissa's wedding extravaganza! Lots of events were coming up in the next few months so I had to buckle down. Woke up one morning ready to tackle the world and felt a lump on my breast. The "this can't be happening" moment was lost with my stubbornness to carry on as if nothing was wrong. Others lives were growing out of control with happiness and mine was drowning in negative events. Scheduled my lump removal for the first week of November so that I could concentrate on all of the wedding excitement.
Woke up the morning of Melissa's wedding, for lack of a better explanation, paralyzed. I had a sharp, paralyzing pain shooting from behind my ear and down my neck. So painful that I was seeing stars and passing out. I take pain well, and you'll agree if you've ever seen my tattoo. After some excruciating moments I made it to the chapel, doped up on painkillers, and was able to party the night away. The next morning it took me about 2 hours to get out of bed. To the Emergency Room I go. Do they find anything? No, but they gave me some great painkillers. After seeing what I thought was a specialist- I'm told that my vertebrae is literally crushing nerves and that its crazy that I've gone this long without pain. After FREAKING out I decided to go for a second opinion which has recently unveiled that there is nothing wrong with my spine. Phew.
Had my "lump" removed. Benign. Had my stitches removed. And that's all I'm going to say for now. Where is an ambulance chaser when you need one? Document, Document, Document! Cool Fact- I have been wearing a band aid since November 2, 2009. BEAT THAT NELLY!!! The other cool fact is TMI for the manly readers of this blog. But I am FINALLY starting to heal and grow scar tissue. Ugly scar tissue- but it's growing and has pretty much fully closed. I have decided to give up my extracurricular streaking as I am kind of self conscious about my scar. Sorry Boys.
There is no need to get into my horrible flight experiences of 2009 since at this point I think its honestly ME that attracts such events. But I did have to have an in-depth eye exam yesterday. This summer I got my eyes examined for the first time since 2001 and my doctor noticed that I have a very large optic nerve which is a red flag for Glaucoma patients. This meant nothing to me but I scheduled a specialty appointment anyway. Well, I finally went to that appointment. After failing a visual fields test twice and almost identically, very large pupils, measuring my optic nerve, and taking pictures it looks like I'm going blind. (This is my diagnosis). I have been assured and promised that I won't go blind because we'll monitor this and watch the transformation of my optic nerve and friends every few months. During the first sign of changing I'll go on drops that allegedly prevent the total blindness that my optic nerve is headed towards. This is something common in patients over 60. I just turned 27. I blame 2009 for this.
In closing I'd like to tie back in with my first "woe is me" paragraph. The girl next door. None of you want her until you wake up one day and realize that's all you've ever really wanted. That you were too cool for school and thought the sequined covered roller coaster ride was a life long bundle of joy. You didn't take into account that drunken fights at 2am in the middle of the street weren't so sparkly. That someone who is off their rocker wouldn't be someone you'd want to raise your children. No, you didn't think about how there is just no depth and heart to that glitter covered girl. You were too wrapped up in the games and stupidly mesmerized by the chase. So what do you do? You call the girl next door, 3 years later, and tell her you've made a mistake and she's "the one that got away." Well- we've already known this. We always have. And you're a fool for waiting 3 years to say something you knew after you let the words "goodbye" leave your mouth.
Peace Out 2009.
Stay Tuned for my 2010 Resolutions and Life List contributions! I'm soooo excited to post a written list of goals, hopes, and dreams to work towards! Especially after this post! As much as this post sounds full of spite its more of a way to let go of 2009 and its heartaches and to close the door behind me. Thank you to those I love who have picked me up, made me laugh, and helped to heal my soul with every speed bump, road block, or train wreck. All of my perfect moments in 2009 were thanks to you. All my love, all the time. Always Always.
-Lifehouse
