Suddenly there I am, a different person, but still hanging onto the Ruby Slippers. I'm a whole new person who is walking around looking for answers, trying to understand, and hanging onto hope by a thread. I'm following this path that feels sickeningly familiar and frighteningly different all in the same moment. Except they're not yellow bricks- they're freaking orange. I'm somehow supposed to be realistic, hopeful, and have faith while all of these orange bricks are laughing at me. Like they've known my fate all along.
So I go on trying to figure out what I should leave behind and what I should pursue. Well it's more like- what AM I doing on this stupid road anyway! Thankfully I have My Dog Nova, although, she's not so little. Along the road I find my friends waiting with all sorts of ideas, answers, and company. Some think I need to grow a brain, others think there's an issue with my heart, and another feels I just need some courage to go on. Part of me thanks them and the other part of me wants to yell at them because I feel that I have all these things going for me- not against me. Umm helloooo- I've been walking down this path all by myself in the woods- I think that takes courage! Don't they know there are Lions and TIGERS and Bears out there? I have a heart, yes it may need repairing but I don't think it's "wrong." I don't think my heart misunderstood anything. Somehow it feels in need of an overhaul and huge repairs- but in the same breath- it's still beating, I'm still alive. Then there's my brain. I can't say they're wrong about this one. I always count on my thoughts and instincts heavily and right now- I don't have any. It's like I can hear the mice running in the wheels up there but they're not producing any products for me to grasp onto. I'm a "go with your gut" kind of Gal and all I know is that I don't want to be on this road. Other than that- I've got nothing. Well, I do have this pair of rockin' hot ruby red slippers but they don't seem to hold any weight either. They used to make me stick out and be the only person seen in a crowded room but lately it's just like I'm in Grand Central Station and they just don't sparkle like they used to. If they ever really did. I don't know.
Off I go into the sunset again. There's no rest for the weary- or so they say. Hunting for the Man with the answers. The Wizard of Oz. As I go along I start to wonder if there ARE any answers. Are they even answers I'd want? What are these answers going to change anyway? I have no idea. Someday's I think that an answer is all I need, others I wonder if I'd rather wander down this road without one. Erasing my steps as I go. Ignorance can be bliss.
Finally I find the Wizard of Oz, the keeper of all the answers. He's standing behind a curtain. A rush of new questions clog up my mice wheels. Things like: Why is he hiding? What is he hiding from? Is it me? What's behind the curtain that he doesn't want me to see? What should I say to him? What am I even asking him for? Why is there this curtain that separates us? Can he still see my Ruby Slippers through this thick and heavy curtain? I can't understand how this one thing, this one solid black curtain, can cut us off from each other and separate us in such a defined way.
As I'm reaching for the curtain I suddenly become aware of all this pain I'm feeling. My head hurts, my pride hurts, my heart hurts, and my feet hurt from these Ruby Slippers that I love. I rip the curtain open and suddenly my heart is on my sleeve, the mice wheels are spinning and my thoughts are spilling out of my head, and I'm scared to death. I can only get out one thing: "Should I take off My Ruby Slippers?"
And he says...
Yes, Karen.
ummm i want to know the wizard of oz story!!! I need to call you!
ReplyDeleteWhat's your email! I can def email it to you :)
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