Time moves slowly.
Time is on my side.
Time keeps on ticking.
This is the time to remember.
Remember the time.
Time changes things.
Just give it Time.
Killing time.
Time of My Life.
Time After Time.
Wasting Time.
The first Time.
It's not my Time.
Only Time Will Tell.
Do you mark time? I do. It's not something I do on purpose, but it is something I frequently torture myself with. Six years ago on April 1st I stopped running. A month ago I was home in Massachusetts. 6 months ago last week I went on vacation. Three years ago I got accepted into graduate school. Time time time. Always haunting me. Lately, I've been drowning in my old memories. Both insignificant and life altering. It must be a popular month because I feel like I'm always thinking "a year ago today I...." I don't know what makes me think of the date that I went parasailing, the first time I went to Magnolia's, the first time I ran the bridge, or the first time I did CPR on a patient- but these things just keep floating around my head.
A best friend of mine also seems to be suffering from this "Time Torture," especially today. Which got me thinking- Why should we struggle with a certain day just because a year ago our heart was broken, or our life changed because of something that happened? It's not like it's someones damn birthday. My dad's birthday (whom I call Ernie) was last week. On his birthday I did not sit there and think "Hmm 53 years ago Ernie was born." No way- that'd be lame-o and creepy. Especially since I swear he has to only be 45. And yet I still sit here thinking about these moments of my life that have passed me. For some of them I laugh, others I ache. Maybe it's just like a self checking system- you know- to keep my life on the right path. Who knows. I can't say it's unhealthy to reflect upon these moments, but I also can't state with certainty that it has any positive affects on the soul either. Who am I to decide?
Someone recently advised me to live in the present- not the future, nor the past. I've been actively trying to do this with every ounce of me and you know what? It's not easy. But I do agree that it's the right way to live. I went for a drive tonight to think about his advice because I was having a difficult time grasping it. I don't think we should "forget" our past- but we can't live in it. We can't live that life because it's in the past for a reason. Our past events have already molded us- whether we like it or not. We also can't live in the future because we have no way to grab ahold of it. I can timeline the Hell out of my "future" and the life I want but just because I think I should be married with kids when I'm XYZ doesn't mean life will unravel that way. I know huh? Rats!
Is it time to let Time move along on it's own? I think so.
There are days it feels like yesterday, and days it feels like it was a million years ago... Always in my heart... xoxo
"When I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me. And you make everything alright. I can always find my way when you are near."- Train
Because I think it says exactly how I'm feeling: When I Look to the Sky- Music/Video Lyrics
Sunset over the Cooper River
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