I haven't written in almost a year. But just like every September, I count my blessings.
I walked the Cooper River Bridge tonight to watch the sunset. I thought it would be a refreshing way to recap my year, and close the first day of September. There is nothing more breathtaking than standing at the top of the bridge and watching the pinks, purples, and oranges swirl together over the water and fade over the various steeples in town.
I've been reflecting almost daily for the past few months. I started a new career path in May and started working solely with the Geriatric population. Every.Single.Day I am reminded of how precious life is. Watching these people smile, breathe, laugh, and ache puts a lot into perspective for me. Once upon a time- they were ME! They were driving around, gossiping with girlfriends, fighting with boyfriends, and eating bad carbs. And someday- I'll be THEM! I'll be remembering my college days, reliving my wedding day, laughing with my grown children, and saying whatever I want. These are things that are so hard to grasp for me sometimes because I don't live in reality. I don't.
Just recently I was shopping downtown and the College of Charleston students were moving in. I was instantly thrown back to the days when I was moving into college and graduate school. Then I realized- I'm never going to be there ever again. Never. Thinking back to my childhood makes me feel miles away from the little kid I used to be. I can only imagine how some of my patients feel. Some of them have been Married for 70 years. MARRIED! I haven't even been ALIVE for 30 years.
The world is just so magical and overwhelming at the same time. Life is overwhelming. All of the things you could be, or do is incredible. And yet some of us sit there and complain day in and day out. I do my fair share of complaining but to what I feel is a healthy degree. It always spins my head around when a mountain of sadness or tragedy lands on me. I instantly think about how terrible the situation is. Then I realize- people in the world are just going around like nothing is wrong. Like this amazing person that I have lost means nothing to them.
The world goes 'round. With or without me. Or you. It just keeps going. So what should we do about this? I think I'm just going to smile... and hang on tight.
Say When...
