Life is a road, it's a motorway.
And the road gets rocky along the way.
But if it gets too smooth it's time to call it a day.
-The Kinks
Day 10. How do you feel? I feel... what do I feel? Content. I'd say I feel content. The world isn't crumbling at the moment, at least not from my window. Lately I have been feeling wishy washy about several things going on in my life. I've also been feeling guilty about my inner hatred for the month of September and I've been trying to find things to like about it. Meh...
Anyway... The other day I went to bed feeling lost. It's been a while since I've felt that way and unfortunately I couldn't pinpoint what it was that made this feeling fall over me. When I woke up the next morning I had one of Ernie's songs stuck in my head. For those of you not privileged enough to know who Ernie is... he's my dad and that's just what we all call him. Another story, another day. When I was little Ernie would play all sorts of music and I'd instantly get hooked on certain ones. Sometimes it was a catchy chorus, a riff played on a guitar, and even at a young age there were certain lyrics that just stayed with me. This particular song has struck me on all three levels. The song is "The Road" by The Kinks. (click to listen and load the video). My Ernie probably hates this song after the millions of times I've had him play it. I mean over and over and over again. It reminds me of when my little brother was at that stage- We had to listen to the "Summer of 69" by Bryan Adams for like 19 years. He's 20 now. For the record: I don't hate the Summer of 69 even though I've heard it more than 69,000 times. I should also note I don't hate my little brother (wink!).
After stomping through my day I finally decided to download the song when I got home. I can't tell you the feeling that rushed over me after hearing it. It made me think of my family, particularly my parents, who constantly ask if I'm going to move home. It made me think of my friends who still consistently bring up how "brave" I am for moving over 1800 miles away once upon a time. It made me think of all the times I secretly wonder if it was the best or perhaps the worst decision I've ever made. When you do something bold it doesn't always have to do with bravery. Lots of times it's laced with huge balls and stupidity. I still haven't quite figured out what the ingredients in my "bold move" was other than the need to chase a dream. Perhaps that all it needed to be. I've chased a lot of dreams since the day I packed up and moved to Georgia. I think about the dreams I chase now: Having a family of my own, becoming a parent, owning my own practice, and milking a cow. When I think of the experiences I've had, I know it was the best decision I've ever made. However, whenever things get bumpy I always regret my decision to live so far away from my family. Unfortunately, I've realized in the past year or two that moving back home isn't an easy fix for bumpy roads. In fact- it may not fix those pot holes at all but just make them even bigger.
I think hearing this song again made me remember where I am in the "big picture" of my life. It made me think of all the things that make me so very happy. Right now. Today. It made me think about the feeling I get when I think about my family visiting and how I feel about showing them parts of my life they don't get to see with their eyes. I thought about eating chocolate covered cherries with my Mum & Ernie and playing littlest pet shops with LeeLeese in the back of a 65 Chevy Nova. It reminded me of the rush I felt the first time I ran over the Cooper River Bridge.
Today, right here, right now- I'm exactly where I want to be. No, I haven't caught up with all the dreams I wanted by my soon-to-be-28-year-old life but I haven't done so bad. I get up and run with my pup. I eat fried green tomato sandwiches for lunch. I grab happy hour drinks with the pals. I tailgate the Hell out of football season. I laugh when my patients zoom by me on their motorized wheel chairs. I smile when it rains and when it's sunny. I Live.
So here I am, exactly where I need to be. Who knows where I'll need to be next year. Who cares. If there is somewhere that I'm meant to be... I'll get there. That's what The Road is for.
My Favorite Chevy Nova
"Some are Survivors
Some are Debris..."
-The Kinks
